Valencia Cresthelm


My life in bullet points (I’m a lawyer…did you think I had time to write a novel?!) Also, call me Val – I don’t really have time for you to pronounce that mouthful of a name anyway.

  • My father was a Seal, which made me a military brat. We moved a lot.
  • I’m an only child. So my father and mother doted on me.
  • My father taught me how to throw a punch and how to take apart a gun in 60 seconds.
  • In my opinion he was a bad ass. He died in active duty—some day when I’ve got enough clout I’m going to get his service record and lean about the father that the military took from me.
  • My mother wasn’t much of a bad ass, she OD-ed on pills when they told her Dad died. I was 17; and thank god legally I was an adult in Texas (where we were stationed at the time).
  • I packed up my shit and left for New York — why not? Nothing…no one, was going to stop me.

  • I lived on military pension and life insurance money for a solid year. I bought shit I didn’t need and spend money on stupid things. I got in with dangerous crowds and tried all kinds of drugs. I got arrested at 17 for possession and my life changed.
  • They wanted to try me as an adult, but I had the best lawyers money could buy. They were smart, driven, already rich and well spoken. They had purpose and they intrigued me. I had always had a smart mouth — these people got paid for it.
  • When my lead attorney saw I had an interest she went out of her way to show me the ropes. She treated me like an intern not a client — it was the best 4 months of my life. After she won my case and I got a slap on the wrist I enrolled at NYU.
  • Now I get paid to have a smart mouth.
  • My old case lawyer and I still keep in touch.

  • I went into corporate law and learned Japanese along the way (twice the languages, twice the pay).
  • I invest (and well I might add) in the stock market.
  • I’m a bit of a workaholic so a social life isn’t exactly something I excel at, but I don’t mind—you should see the Gucci sunglasses I bought last week.
  • I’ve only had one serious boyfriend and when he proposed I dropped him. I mean, how could I plan a wedding and work 80 hour weeks. A girl has to have her priorities.
  • But I’m content — I have a closet full of Prada, a very nice little car and a goldfish…what more could a girl want?

Val’s Toys
Personality Traits

Valencia Cresthelm

What Dreams Wrought GMJJ